I Don’t Really Need Another [Insert Obligatory Gift Here]

According to Merriam-Webster, the word "obligation" primarily relates to matters contractual and fiscal: 

Main Entry: ob·li·ga·tion

1: the action of obligating oneself to a course of action (as by a promise or vow) 2a: something (as a formal contract, a promise, or the demands of conscience or custom) that obligates one to a course of action b: a debt security (as a mortgage or corporate bond) c: a commitment (as by a government) to pay a particular sum of money ; also: an amount owed under such an obligation obligations, the company went into bankruptcy> 3a: a condition or feeling of being obligated b: a debt of gratitude 4: something one is bound to do: duty, responsibility

Oooh, such fun, no? The definition itself is full of scary economic references, complete with mentions of government and bankruptcy. In fact, there is only a single word in the entire definition that feels full of positivity and light: "gratitude" (but they even wreck that with the use of "debt of...").

So I've decided that I am supposed to take this definition - indeed, this time and place in our economy - as a further sign that I need to stop with the obligatory gifts. Instead of taking something that is meant to be meaningful and schmoopy (gift-giving), and weighing it down with debt/demands/contracts...let's make a pact with everyone we love:

If it's not the very best, most perfect gift you've ever found for that person at that point in time...agree to wait until something better comes up. 

Because I'm pretty sure you didn't need that perfume anyway.

-Heather...off to send an email telling my friends and fam about the plan...

And now... The Worst Obligatory Gifts We've Ever Received

  • Mama Bite Editor Alison: "A paperweight. When is that ever appropriate?"
  • NY Editor Brianne: "When I was 19 I was dating this Lebanese guy. I think he had no clue about women and got me this huge Estée Lauder makeup kit the size of a briefcase, which would have been OK, I guess, if A) I wore makeup, or B) I was a 10-year-old."
  • Chicago Editor Daisy: "I received a cookbook for Southern-style meat. I'm a vegetarian. I also received a personalized planner from my landlord. Personalized with her name and address."
  • Editorial Assistant Erica: "My ex-boyfriend bought me a bright orange bathrobe. I don't wear orange, and even if I did, who wants an orange bathrobe? Not very sexy..."
  • SF Editor Hanah: "One Hanukkah during high school I got a crystal vase from a boyfriend's aunt. So impersonal. And an ex-boyfriend waited in my room with the lights off until I came home, so he could give me a huge apple-scented Bath & Body Works basket. Needless to say, I broke up with him soon after that."
  • Seattle Editor Jen H: "A s'mores maker in a beat-up box that, from the looks of the happy people making s'mores on it, was at least a decade old. Such an obvious regift. It was a wedding gift from my husband's 31-year-old male cousin, at least according to the cousin's mom's handwriting on the gift tag."
  • Editorial Director Jenifer: "This Christmas I got an irregularly large, silver soap dish in the shape of a shell."
  • LA Editor Molly: "All that comes to mind is this guy who had a crush on me in fourth grade. He gave me a glass unicorn figurine. I felt all weird because I didn't like him, so I shoved it in my desk, and alas...it broke."
  • Senior Editor Theresa: "I received a cockroach from an ex-boyfriend - specifically, according to him, a $20 hissing roach from Madagascar. I screamed when I opened it."
  • Daily Tip Editor Toshio: "I got an incense burner and Nag Champa for a birthday once. I don't burn incense."
My two best friends and I have been doing this for years! We don't give gifts until the right one shows up. Christmas gifts have been given in April, and birthday gifts given 2 months early or late. I once planted bulbs to come up in the spring as a surprise birthday gift. What's SO cool about being and ADULT is we can wait for the good stuff!!!!
Trying to comment on the vegetarian thing. I would love to know why people accept the Catholic Churches definition of meat? What is the definition of meat? In all the dictionaries I have read anything in it says it is flesh. so what is flesh, could be cow, horse, pig, turtle, but no fish? What do you call the flesh of a fish if not meat? If flesh is meat, fish have flesh but is not meat even though it is flesh? C'mon now, let's put some truth here and call a spade a spade. Fish is meat just like a big juicy steak, ham, bacon or any other flesh. I would like anyone to tell me where this is wrong.
I've found that there are at least several options for dealing with unwanted gifts, in addition to what was mentioned on today's tip: 1) Try selling them on eBay or Amazon. Sometimes you can get lucky and sell it for enough money to make it worth your time. 2) Start a yard sale box. After a while you should accumulate enough unwanted gifts and unwanted items to have a yard sale. You can team up with your friends or neighbors to have a bigger yard sale that draws more of a crowd. 3) Donate to a thrift store. Most thrift stores are non-profits that serve the local community by providing low-cost items to those who can't afford much. 4) Re-gifting - I've done this before but only when appropriate (there's nothing worse than receiving a badly re-gifted item).
Jeez, most of these gifts aren't even that bad. I agree that obligatory gift-giving is wasteful, but you guys sound like snotty b*tches by whining about receiving presents that aren't good enough for you (except the hissing cockroach one)!
Our family used mygiftster this year (www.mygiftster.com). It's a free online gift list system that connects you with your family and friends. The whole idea is by sharing your list this way, you create more thoughtful gift-giving and eliminate unwanted or duplicate gifts. What I really liked about this site as opposed to other gift sites is it allows you to shop the way you want to shop — clicks or bricks — without being tied to specific e-tailers. Plus, you can print or download shopping lists to keep track of purchases. There's also a cool feature that will show you related gift suggestions available from Amazon.
Don't we all go thru this though! One, agreeing with animal-supporting friends to give a donation in their name ANYTIME DURING THE YEAR WHEN A GOOD ONE COMES UP, and, most fun of all, I have a group of about 20 "gerlfrens" who get together at least once a month to party together....right after christmas we have a game; bring any christmas presents (or others from the year!) you received and aren't going to use or hate; you put them all, wrapped, in the center of the circle then go around the circle; each person gets to choose a package and open it. If you like it, great...you can opt out of the game and keep what you have; if you want to keep playing, the ccircle goes around again and anyone who just loves SOMEONE ELSE'S gift can trade it for the one they have...and they have to do it! Again, if you end up with something you love keep it and opt out; if not, keep playing...the circle goes around until most people have SOMETHING they really like..and it is amazing how many things you didn't want that others really do want...for instance, your editor who got a paperweight.....I collecct them! (If I like them, or if they are the kind you can put a photo on the bottom and it shows thru the glass) Many of these gifts find really good homes, and it is a really fun party game....lots of laughs and funny comments, and some real competition towards the end when a few people really want what the other persons have and keep trading then losing the item again! Try it....great fun..
My extended family does a pollyanna every Christmas. We pick names at our Family Reunion in June. Family can participate as individuals, couples or the entire family. Cost is kept low and you can suggest gift ideas to the person or group who picked your name since it's not a "secret Santa." As our family has grown from generation to generation, this is a fun way for everyone to participate.
I agree totally with Kristy -- those gifts weren't that bad (the makeup and Bath & Body Works basket would be *greatly* appreciated by any of the four females in our household! The crystal vase would be cherished here as well...) and complaining about other peoples' generousity really makes you sound like... well, what SHE said. This year my husband got me the weirdest pair of slippers ever... bright pink and furry and huge furry butterflies on the front that measure a full 7.5" from wingtip to wingtip. My feet look like a frickin nightmare when I wear those slippers but wear them I do because (1) they represent the thoughtfulness of my wonderful husband and (2) they *are* nice and warm and that's really what I wanted slippers for in the first place. Nevermind the fact that everyone who sees me wearing them can't help but chuckle.... Tell you what, ladies... next time you get one of these "horrible" gifts, just send them my way. If I can't use it, I have a rather large family who would gladly take whatever it is. Then we'll ALL be happy :)
Christmas 2008 was my worst obligatory gift event. My husband, who was well intentioned, bought me several gifts that were really intended for him, and only 1 gift that was actually for me which I already knew about because I asked him to get it for me! So, here's what I got: tri-pod for a camera cordless phone (because he doesn't like the one I bought a couple of years ago) software for the computer and pearl earrings So guess which one I actually picked out?!
As the webmaster of the not-for-profit Paperweight Collectors Association of Texas, www.pcatx.org, I invite Allison to visit our site and especially read this article, http://www.pcatx.org/presentation1.html. Anyone who is a paperweight collector or lover knows and appreciates the intricacies involved in making a beautifully crafted paperweight. I'm not talking about the cheap Chinese paperweights that are worth about 25 cents. This article on antique paperweights (mid-1800s) is published by a fellow PCA Texas colleague of mine: http://www.antiquetrader.com/article/Rare_beauty_under_glass_a_look_at_f...
When I graduated from high school a guy in my class sent me a huge bouquet of roses.....that he didn't pay for. The flower shop tried to collect from me!! Not the best way to impress a girl.
Wow, this is so tacky! I understand the idea, but you don't know if the people who gave you those gifts put thought into them or not. Anyway, all it takes is a little planning to give someone appropriate and green gifts. If you see something absolutely perfect for your friend in July, buy it and save it until Christmas! Complaining about a re-gift that someone thought you would enjoy is also decidedly un-green.
I agree with the statement about not wasting space. I always ask my family what they like. There is no surprise, but at least the gift is wanted. The worst gift I ever received is when my cousin gave me left over baby items from her new born when my daughter was 18 months and ornaments from Walgreens that did not match my decor.
Almost every year my husband's aunt buys me some stinky stuff from Bath and Body Works. Usually sample size stuff. She buys it just to gove me something, because she is obvously clueless to what I would like. I know it is the thought that counts, and appreciate that, but I'd rather she didn't buy me anything. The holidays are totally out of control and people buy such random, useless gifts nowadays. The madness should just stop.
Not a cockroach, oh goodness no, but one christmas an ex-boyfriend bought me a stuffed moose with his store discount, then asked me to drive 2 hours in a snowstorm to see him. And then he dumped me. Awesome. :-)
When I was in high school I was a complete tomboy. My grandmother gave me a jar of girly-scented lotion that had been given to her a couple of years before that (I know because I was there when she opened it). And on top of that, it was half gone, like she just took it off her dresser to give me at the last moment.
One year, for Xmas, I got a humidifier and a cordless mouse from the b/f. I had previously expressed how much I disliked his cordless mouse and how I liked the one I had. And the humidifier. How ungallant. I never even brought them home, and he resold them on eBay.
The worst Christmas gift I ever got was from my boss; an orange and purple sequined Halloween vest. (Did I mention my religion doesn't celebrate Halloween?).
Wow, you guys are harsh! Some of those gifts may not have been what you wanted, but that doesn't mean they were thoughtless. They sound like ideal "re-gifts" to me, which is very green! Apart from the cockroach - did he send you this before or after you broke up??
First I want to say that my husband & 3 out of my 4 children did not even give me a Christmas gift. Worst was when I was in 6th grade my mother gave me an ugly sewing box, when I did not sew. I thought for sure I was getting a pair of boots that I wanted. Than, when I was 35 my sister gave me a sewing box for my Bday, I still do not sew. I use my sewing box for jewelry, because I love my sister.
One of the worst gifts I have gotten was when we had a huge family Christmas, and I opened a gift that was a box of condoms with "two kids are enough" written on the package. Of course there was no from: on the box and I never found out who gave it to me. Wish THEIR parent had used some...
The worst gift I've ever received was so funny to everyone else in the room. My EX-husband wrapped up this pretty box and it was handed to me in front of 4 generations of his family. It contained a "rag doll". It was made from a Kotex pad with stick on eyes, nose, mouth and hair. I think he had everyone else in on this gift, but he's an EX and can now impress his new wife with great gifts.
I have a good one. For Christmas/Birthday one year my Step-Mother-In-Law gave me - among other more or less nice gifts - a VALUE PACK BOX OF GENERIC BRAND DOUCHES! yes, really. Opening this in front of my brother and his male friends was LOTS of fun. They laughed till they cried... turns out she got every female member of the family the same thing - at least it wasn't just me.
If I receive one more set of towels or serving utensils I will be able to open my own Linens and Things. My boyfriend and I just moved out of state and I have to be honest, a visit from friends and family would be a lot more worth while than an obligatory "new house" item.
Every year for my birthday my sister gives me bath wash or lotions in different scents that make me sneeze! I sell them at garage sales. Sold last year's on Dec 13th at my garage sale and got another one on Dec 21st-Yikes! I guess I just need to confess that I don't like them but I don't want to hurt her feelings. I may be weird, but I like gift cards, that way I can get what I want or need.
My worst gift so far was a "women's" Bible edited and including notes by a nationally-known homophobic preacher, that included sayings like "It pleases God when you wear beautiful dresses for your man." I'm a lesbian.
OMGosh, some of these gifts are absolutely awful -- like the condoms or the douch or the ridiculous edits in the women's Bible (I don't remember reading about wearing beautiful dresses for your man in the Bible). But some weren't too bad. The BBW stuff, for example, is not cheap for a big basket of lotions and shower gels (but you'd be amazed how many guys come in on Christmas eve and just grab whatever's left on the shelf. Last year, we had discussed no gift-giving but I got a thoughtful gift from the bf anyway (I kept up with the agreement and bought him nothing). This year, he bought me nothing. But throughout the year, he is fairly thoughtful and picks up gifts when he finds them. It's not the greatest to get nothing on Christmas, but it kindof works for us.
that cockroach is really bad but i can't help thinking the meat cookbook for the vegetarian is worse. this christmas i got the impersonal candle from someone who asked what i thought was a good gift to get for another coworker she felt obligated to get something for. i said candle...i got a candle from her too...at least i do burn candles...
I'm still baffled by the package of paper napkins and a bar of soap that each of my coworkers and I received from my boss this year.
I don't remember THE worst gift, but a couple that could be on the list: a fake plastic flower inside a bottle from a boy who had a crush on me, a big denim purse with little mirrors glued all over from my aunt about ten years ago. The bottle broke, I re-gifted the purse. I hate obligatory gifts, there is no obligation really. And I hate not functional things, especially when they're not even pretty :) My face can't help being honest. ___ I'd like to make a comment about today's email: "If everyone in the world lived like an American, we'd need five Earths". That is totally truth. I'm from south America and I keep surprising everyday about the habits on the north when I read the tips. No ofense, but everything is electrical or battery powered, so people can save the calories they'll have to burn later in the gym. From can openers, to all kinds of stuff, how many time people save using those? Hey, I'm not amish... No wonder how US is the most contaminating place on earth. Everything is disposable and everything implies huge consumption. Anyway, just a thought, don't take it bad. PS: I coudn't believe the heat pilot's tip several months ago. Here, we ALL know what the pilot is, we all know how to turn it off (and on again), and we all do it as soon as the cold is gone or we leave the house for more than a few hours. Amazing. http://www.idealbite.com/tiplibrary/archives/fire_extinguisher PS2: sorry for any possible language mistakes.

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