Ideal Bite

(I'm just asking for it with that title, I know).

Because my garden is always containerized (roof restrictions for city living), I don't have any actual earth to plant in. So, for years, I bought my tulips and daffodils and hyacinths in the spring, and replanted them and enjoyed them immensely.

But a few years ago, I got tired of that - I wanted to grow my own, dammit! - so I ordered a bunch of gorgeous bulbs in mixed colors and planted like crazy. I added bone meal. I put them in the ground at exactly the right time. I watered and watched and waited. I was THRILLED at the expectation of green shoots and grand flowers the following spring.

For like a day.

On Day 2, little thieving, fiendish rats-with-fluffy-tails came along and ate every last one of my bulbs. I wanted to kill them. I still do.

In the end, I settled with having an enormous mutual animosity with them (don't get me wrong - if I could, I'd wring their necks - gardeners the world over know exactly how I feel). I run outside and throw things at them and scream like a maniac when I see them on my roof. This year, they actually stole whole ripe heirloom tomatoes and ate only half before getting bored and leaving the rest as a taunt for me to find.

In the years since that fated fall, I've figured out how to put my bulbs in the fridge over the winter and then "force" them in the spring. In the meantime, I have a seriously bad relationship with my local rats-with-fluffy-tails. I am willing to take a contract out on them should anyone want to help me with my murderous inclinations.

-Heather... off to watch The Godfather for some inspiration...

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